Tomorrow’s the day I start injections, barring any cysts. And you know what? I feel pretty good about things. I set out to enjoy the last few weeks of relative freedom from worry and strain, and that’s what I did.

Here’s the list:

  • Dye my hair a crazy color. Not so crazy after all, but I did get a couple black streaks on the underlayer.
  • Eat sushi. Last night. YUM.
  • Play racquetball.
  • Do a sprint workout.
  • Clean! This! House! It’s not impeccable, but it is way nicer than it was at the beginning of August. Bathroom scrubbed, kitchen mopped and scoured, top of desk re-discovered: it’s quite nice.
  • Drink a bottle of our wedding wine. Only two left.
  • Cook that recipe with sea scallops that R. hates. Yeah, so not only does he hate it… turns out he’s developed an allergy to scallops. I fixed one of my favorite recipes, sea scallops sauteed in lemon juice and olive oil and white wine over pasta, and poor R. missed the next two days of work with an upset stomach. Oops.
  • Bake that cherry pie crumble dessert that R. loves. Hoping I made up for the scallops incident with this.
  • Go on some good dates with R. And you know what? R. even got on board with the whole “fun month before IVF” idea and suggested some neat stuff himself. IVf is tough on a relationship, sure, but I really appreciate that he’s trying in his own way to make this easier on us.
  • Pierce my nose. Misfire: they told me I need two months for it to heal properly before taking it out, even for just a few hours. So this one might have to wait until after that part of the game.
  • Consider a tattoo. Considered, did not get.
  • Happy hour with the girls from work. Scheduled for Thursday.
  • Get together with my non-work girlfriends.
  • Buy shoes. In my defense, I’ve always been lousy with footwear. This fell off the list.
  • Buy new eyeliner, mascara, lipstick, with a slight palette change. Money’s tight.
  • Use that vibrator that’s been hiding in my drawer for way too long. Oh, ladies. HELL YES.
  • Get into a meditation routine. Not a routine, exactly. But I’ll work on that this week.
  • Exercise my ass off.The single best thing I did for myself. For the first time in over a year, I feel like I’ve kept my anxiety under control. Almost as good as the vibrator.
  • Get my body weight into a healthier range.Moved five pounds in the right direction. Could stand to inch a little further along. I’ll work on that this week.

It feels good to feel good. For too long, I’ve been stressed out and anxious, and sure those emotions are still there – but at least for this moment, right now, I also feel good.

I had almost forgotten what that’s like.

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