Here’s funny story number one (as promised in my last post).

We did the IVF-turned-IUI on Saturday the 8th. At our clinic, the doctors rotate weekends, and it was a doctor I’d never met before. She came in, shook our hands, and got to work in under 30 seconds. Whatev, we’re all used to it by now.

But right at the moment when she was performing the IUI, a little tiny lizard crawled across the floor. It’s one of those adorable little salamander-type things that gets in all the buildings at this time of year, no matter what you do. I don’t mind them; in fact, I think they’re cute. I appreciate that they eat bugs.

My husband R., on the other hand – is terrified of reptiles. Terrified.

All I was aware of at that point was that (a) I have one further incident to support my theory that male gynecologists are somewhat gentler than their female counterparts (it wasn’t terrible, it just pinched a tiny bit), and (b) R. suddenly shifted very noticeably in his chair and let out a near-silent sound of horror.

The doctor and her assistant did not comment. They left the room with instructions for me to stay put for 10 minutes. As soon as she left, R. told me urgently, “A lizard just ran across the floor and it’s behind that trash can!!!!!”

In our household, he murders the cockroaches, and I tenderly dispose of the lizards by scooping them up in a bowl and carrying them outside. It’s a nice distribution of labor. I wouldn’t have minded carrying forward in that vein, except, well.

“Darlin’,” I told him, “there is absolutely nothing I can do to help you at this moment in time.”

He bravely waited out the 10 minutes, remaining by my side, skittering reptiles and all. We decided to take it as a sign, either that our kid will have a lizard for a spirit animal, or that the longstanding drought is forcing vertebrate pests into sterile environments, or that our marriage is doing okay if he can make it through that entire experience without screaming. Or some combination of the above.

Let’s just hope we don’t ever have a cockroach in the exam room.

Advertisements