Anybody else feel like they’re locked in a computer game? You know, the kind where if your character dies, you have to start over from square one?

I do.

Another analogy: I ran the hurdles in college. Every hurdle in a race has its own personality. You feel differently at each point in the race. The only way to get through the race without falling down is to run as hard as you can.

As I write this (on Sunday, I scheduled this post to run later), I’m still waiting for my period to show up, damn it, so we can get started on IVF version 1.5. I’m taking stock of the hurdles.

  • Will my period ever freaking get here already, or have I found a new problem?
  • Will I respond to the next drug protocol? Will I even get to a retrieval this time?
  • If I respond, will there be enough mature eggs to attempt fertilization?
  • If there are enough mature eggs, will the quality be sufficient such that we get any embryos?
  • If there are embryos, will they be of sufficient quality to make it to a day three transfer? (I’ve just about given up on day five.)
  • If we get to a transfer, will anything implant?
  • If anything implants, will it survive?
  • If anything survives, will it be healthy?
  • And while we’re at it, will the embryo make the varsity tennis team, or will it be stuck in JV for four years?

I wish I were one of those women who had lots of good eggs. That’s pretty ridiculous to say, because of course I wish that. We all wish we weren’t having to do this crap. But right now, I wish I had fewer things to worry about. I wish I weren’t worried about what else I should worry about, because a cancelled cycle was the one thing I wasn’t worried about and look at me now.

But to return to the video game metaphor: my doctor figured out the secret trap with the bouncing turtles (y’know – Mario, anybody?) for that part about the drugs, and he’s going to try jumping from the higher platform. Hopefully that will give us enough room to get past the fireballs at the very beginning of the game, and enough momentum that we can get through more levels this time.

Okay, I’ll drop the Mario reference. I admit, it was shaky.

You’ll forgive me, however, if I start making little chip-tune sounds every time I pass a milestone. Maybe I can talk my RE into giving me a nice little bip-beep noise every time he finds a good follicle?