I appear to be following not only Aramis‘s blog, but also her cycle.

We made it to retrieval, scheduled for Wednesday.

My estrogen levels were falling and my progesterone did something wrong, so I had to give myself a last-minute injection to stop my ovaries from releasing the eggs prematurely. Like my fellow DOR soldier Aramis, I’ll have an enforced wait before a transfer: whatever embryos we get will have to be frozen. (Although I don’t think we’ll be doing an endometrial biopsy like she is. So slightly less waiting.)

Ain’t nothing I can do about it, so I guess I’ll plan to try and enjoy myself, as she has said. I’ll try and rebuild myself after this round of stims, which kind of sucked. (My brain went poo-poo early on and I’ve been losing my mind for days.) Restart my running, maybe go on some cheap day trips.

Projections for Wednesday’s retrieval are, well… meh. I mean, I have DOR, so my egg count won’t be amazing. Certainly not in the double digits. But you work with what you got.

For now, I will go prep my trigger shot, and I will look forward to the bombass nap I get to enjoy on Wednesday morning.

And I don’t actually think this is abject pessimism to say, but I think I will also start to consider in earnest some questions about whether or not to pursue a donor cycle. I want to be pregnant; I want it in my bones. I wish it could be a child genetically related to me and my side of the family, but if that can’t happen, then them’s the completely unfair, irrational, and utterly incomprehensible breaks that have ruined the last two years of my life.

You work with what you got.