Yesterday was CD1. I called in, got the ball rolling for the FET. Got the first monitoring appt scheduled.

I wasn’t surprised by not being pregnant. I knew it all along. But somehow, I found a way to be sad anyway. I suppose this just shows that there is no way to protect yourself from sadness.

I’m sad because I can’t get pregnant like other women. I’m sad because I have to face the FET now and the only-too-real possibility of more grief. I’m sad because I do not believe this will ever end.

Sure, I get it. Treatment stops one way or another. But I am pretty sure this sadness is going to be the bedrock of my life forever.