I am pretty well certain that everybody at my clinic has voted me as the weirdest and most “off” of their patients. I get chatty when in awkward situations, and a fertility clinic is nothing if not an Endless Supply of Awkward. That plus my amazing social skills while on medication has got to have put me in the running for “Oh no, here comes that girl and her vagina again. Who got the short straw this week?”

Which is all to say, I was willing to put myself out there at last week’s baseline appointment, all for the sake of sociological research. After all, I don’t have much of a reputation to lose.

After seeing the RE, I had a quick consult with the nurse to review meds for the FET. As we were leaving, I said, “Hey, I’ve been wondering for a while now. How many women here shave everything, and how many just let it grow?”

The look I got. Have you ever gotten it? That look where the other person just purposely blanks out her expression so she doesn’t get in trouble, but you can see in her eyes that she’s planning on running to the break room and immediately telling everybody what you just said?

And the ridiculous thing is, I find this to be SO MILD. I live in what might be called a pretty wacky city; it takes a lot in a given day to really get people wondering about you, in the normal course of things. Or maybe I just surround myself with strange folks, and my trips to the RE are the only times when I actually venture into the Land of Regular Social Skills and Expectations. I don’t know, but it doesn’t seem like that particular question should have earned me the Blank-Look-Before-Gossip.

And, don’t TELL me everybody else isn’t wondering that, too. Am I really the only person to have asked about expectations of grooming?

Besides. We’re coming up on a year of me being a patient there (Score! What do I get? What’s that? Nothing? Of course.) and I feel like that ought to earn me access to some privileged information.

In any case, I got my answer: “It’s about 50/50,” she said. More Blankness.

“Oh, good,” I said.

I’m not saying on which side of the 50/50 divide I fall, and I don’t particularly have any desire to know where you ladies choose to sort yourselves, either. But if your clinic is anything like mine, you can rest assured that (a) you are safe, either way, and (b) you don’t have to risk getting Blankness if you were thinking of asking for yourself. I have officially taken one for the team.